Currently UR So Gay By Katy Perry UR SO GAY see related

jerk from the past, now wants me.

first of all WOW. WHAT THE FUCK. So I am on meebo because I can only use my aim on there without my computer slowing down or freezing. Anyway, I'm on there and I get a strange IM. It was just a "hey" from someone I've never talked to on here. So being polite I was like "hi. who's this?" and like a second later he said his name. I HAD TO READ HIS NAME OVER AND OVER TO MAKE SURE I WAS SEEING CORRECTLY. This kid has always kind of been an asshole to me from 3rd grade up until 5th grade. To top all of this off, I found out he hooked up with my cousin awhile back and he is using the same lines he did on her with me. He wants to chill with me, smoke, and just chill. Then out of nowhere he was like "dam... you got hot" and that was kind of like insulting (atleast I thought so) so to burn back I replied "hah you too" not like I really meant it, but at this point I was still in shock so I didn't know what the hell else to say. So our conversation goes on and he says something, in other words "I would so fuck you" then he went on about thats why he wants to chill with me. So I'm jut like "haha I figured that." and the rest is just BLAHHH. I don't know. This is just so fucking strange for me! Like it was just one of those moments where I wish I just didn't existed because I didn't/ still don't want to deal with this shit. Out of every guy I ever went to school with and treated me like shit, it had to be him to be the one crawling back trying to get into my pants and my stash.

fucker.

Currently Tha Carter III By Lil Wayne I'm Me see related

Update of my life.

I've abandon you my lovely blog, and I am forever sorry. A lot has happend since I last blogged. First of all on Christmas Eve my brother and his ex-fiance who was/still is pregnant with my niece got in a car accident. And I spent Christmas Eve with 4 adults at a chinesse eatery. So I don't get to see my brother and his ex until Christmas. So I give them their presents and tell them I love them and I'll see them later. So ofcourse I get a cold, which everyone in Maine has them constantly :( so I was sick all the way through new years through my birthday (which is Jan. 20th!) and up until like the 25th. Sucked so bad. I can't remember exactly when my brother and his ex broke up, but she is bipolar, and not allowed on her pills so she's acting all crazy, one day I was her one and only best friend, and the next day I am a piece of shit who killed her babies and I am jealous of her and my brother and I put a curse on my neice. SHE IS A FUCKING CRAZY FUCK. First off, lets start with the "you killed my babies" shit. Within the last 4 years she's had 3 misscarages. The first time she got pregnant she was 14 and I was like 11 turning 12, and I said to my brother (who was on the phone with her) that I should punch them both in the head for not wearing a condom. Um, unless there's something someone would like to fill me in on, that in no way states that I want her baby to die. SHE IS FUCKING RETARDED. And the next time she got pregnant, no one knew, so I didn't say anything so it's still my fault? YEAH OK. And the 3rd time she and my brother were living here in florida with my dad and I was here, and she had a misscarage and who was there to call my dad and call an ambulance and to ride in the ambulance and WHO FUCKING SAT WITH HER THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME BEFORE THE MISSCARIGE AND AFTER? ME. But it's all my fault her babies died. So everytime she talks shit, which is a lot, because I caught her talking shit about me on aim to my brother and I got on and told her to fuck off and if she is going to talk shit say it to my face or call me. And she procedded to call me a pussy, so I fucking went off on her. So she knows that if I ever see her in person when she's not pregnant and she starts shit, I'm not just going to sit there. I am not afraid to get into fights. I had been fighting my older brother (who has tried to suffocate me many times in our younger years) And if I can take him, I can for fucking sure take her. I honestly don't care that they broke up, thats their buisness, I don't give a shit. I am just peeved that she is trying to throw all of the blame on me as if I reached up her twat and pulled the babies out myself. And I am OUTRAGED that she it trying to keep the baby away from my brother. That is his daughter. He has EVERY FUCKING RIGHT IN THE WORLD to see his baby. And this is going to be my first neice that's survived too, so she can say all she wants about it, we are going to see the baby.

Anyways Since all of that bullshit happend, I moved back here to florida, and on Feb. 5th I had a doctors appointment, which I found out I have high blood pressure, pcos, and depression. And my back was fucked up. So I had to go to physical therapy for twice a week for a whole month and my back is way better now (still a lil pain though) And I am on pills for high blood pressure, depression, and some huge horse pills for my head aches. I have so far lost 13lbs in a month, and I need to lose 50 more in order to be taken off of my high blood pressure pills. So I am on a Vegetarian/Vegan diet, and I am not allowed in any way to eat cheese. I LOVE CHEESE :( It causes head aches, plus my doctor said I'll lose weight faster if I cut it out of my diet,

All is well for now.

I am currently soul searching. I am changing, and I am happy about it. Ben and I's relationship is sort of still going, I barely hear from him, and I'm starting to think my feelings are changing along with my sexuality. I'm not saying I'm full blown gay. no pun intended ;) But I think it's just time for me to be me, and I'll just have to say FUCK YOU to all the people who aren't going to stand beside me through these times. I have lost a lot of friends, but I don't really care. It just goes to show who my real friends are and who the two faced backstabbers are.

Currently Experience Hendrix: The Best of Jimi Hendrix By Jimi Hendrix see related

Ben called me Foxy Lady. he said the song is about me.

Foxy
Foxy

You know you're a cute little heartbreaker
Foxy
You know youre a sweet little lovemaker
Foxy

I wanna take you home
I wont do you no harm, no
You've got to be all mine, all mine
Ooh, foxy lady

I see you, heh, on down on the scene
Foxy
You make me wanna get up and scream
Foxy
Ah, baby listen now
I've made up my mind
I'm tired of wasting all my precious time
You've got to be all mine, all mine
Foxy lady
Here I come

I'm gonna take you home
I wont do you no harm, no
You've got to be all mine, all mine

Here I come
I'm comin to get ya
Foxy lady
You look so good
Yeah, foxy
Yeah, give us some
Foxy
Yeah, get it, babe
You make me feel like
Feel like sayin foxy
Foxy
Foxy lady

Me and Ben are back together.

I saw him last Saturday (the 15th) and it was like we never broke up. I felt like a whore after, because I was still single, but then I got a couple of phone calls the next day on the 16th, and he was talking and I heard him say "yeah who wouldn't want to....with their girlfriend" and I was like oh my, so then I asked him if we were going out and he was like no, then it lead to him asking me back out. I SAID YES. And apparently everyone has a problem with it. that's where that poem I posted before this came from. It's written to everyone who is pissed at me for doing what I want. They go from telling me to do what I want and what makes me happy, to then me doing so and then they hate me for it. WHATEVER. I got my man back so I don't fucking care what anyone else has to say. Of course Ben's parents are being little retarded christian hypocrite fucks again, but I know how to deal with what they have to say about me. I remember all the stories my mom and dad told me about how they used to all do drugs together back in the day, and they we're all WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY worse than us, so I just smile and shrug off what they say.

you know what?

I'm not not good enough.

I AM BETTER.

so fuck everyone I don't need anyone like these people who abandon me and hate me because I take an ex back.

you're not supposed to abandon family.

SO FUCK YOU ASSHOLES.

I love you Bennyboo<3

I hope we work everything out and not have to break up ever again.

fuck the pain away.